


i feel like i live in a dream (don't wake me up)

by intothewoodz



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, as usual i use xuan and sungjoo to push my babie youn agenda, seungsik deserves a bff of the year award, seungyoun is dumb but seungwoo loves him anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:01:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25797817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intothewoodz/pseuds/intothewoodz
Summary: For Seungwoo, pretending to be Seungyoun's boyfriend is a bit of a dream come true. He can finally act on the feelings he's secretly been harboring for years, all without a single repercussion because he's shielded by the world of make-believe. There is, however, one catch.Eventually, he has to wake up.
Relationships: Cho Seungyeon | Seungyoun/Han Seungwoo
Comments: 14
Kudos: 61





	i feel like i live in a dream (don't wake me up)

**Author's Note:**

> it felt like i hadn't written ryeonseung in a while and i wanted to try writing fake dating so here we are :3 i hope you enjoy!!!
> 
> title is from woodz, nathan - dream

“Hey, Seungwoo-hyung, I need a favor.”

“Hmm?”

“Can you pretend to be my boyfriend?”

Seungwoo promptly chokes on his water. “You want me to what?”

“Be my fake boyfriend. Please,” Seungyoun says looking up at him with his best puppy dog eyes. Seungwoo tries to ignore him, but he knows it’s only a matter of time before he caves. He’s never been able to resist any of Seungyoun’s requests.

“Why exactly do you need a fake boyfriend in the first place?”

“You know Sungjoo-hyung and Yixuan-ge, right?”

“Um, yeah, you talk about them sometimes, but why is that important?”

“They keep trying to set me up on dates and I can’t take it anymore. I need you to pretend you’re my boyfriend so they’ll stop.”

“Have you tried just telling them you’re not interested?”

“Hyung, you say that like it’s easy,” he whines. “You don’t know how persistent they are. They’re like nagging parents.”

“But they do it out of love, right?” Seungwoo chuckles, admiring Seungyoun’s adorable pout.

“I guess, but it’s still annoying,” Seungyoun grumbles. “So you’ll help me right?”

“What exactly do you want me to do?”

“They’ll probably want to meet up at least once to make sure I’m not lying, but I think it’d be more believable with you than with some random person off the street. They probably wouldn’t even remember my name and you know basically everything about me.”

Seungyoun says it so casually, as if it’s normal that Seungwoo knows more about Seungyoun than he knows about himself. He says it completely unaware of just how much time Seungwoo spends thinking of him, even down to the smallest of details.

“Don’t they know that we’re already friends though? Will they believe it?”

“It’s okay, we just have to coordinate well. We can practice! Just pretend you’ve been secretly in love with me for years and finally decided to confess your feelings. That shouldn’t be too hard, right?”

“Right,” Seungwoo answers hesitantly. _Pretend._ Seungwoo’s good at pretending. For years, he’s pretended that he’s _not_ secretly in love with his best friend. Doing the opposite shouldn’t be too hard. In theory, it should be much easier that he doesn’t have to hide his true feelings. In practice, however, Seungwoo has a sinking feeling that things won’t work out particularly well for him.

“Great! Now, I’m hungry. Let’s go get lunch,” Seungyoun announces, pulling him from his thoughts, both figuratively and literally as Seungyoun grabs his hand and drags him along.

Seungwoo just lets himself be pulled in whatever direction Seungyoun feels like taking him because even if he wanted to, he wouldn’t know how to tear himself away. Seungwoo can’t remember exactly when or how he got pulled into Seungyoun’s orbit, but he doesn’t think there’s any force strong enough to break him free of it.

* * *

“Is that my hoodie?” Seungwoo asks as soon as Seungyoun enters his line of sight.

“Yeah! You left it at my place last time and I thought it’d be a nice touch to make it more convincing.”

Right. He’s only wearing it to put on a show, a grand display of affection. It’s a pity that this is all fake and not a normal thing because Seungyoun looks good in it. Seungwoo can't help but think about how he would look just as cute in his other clothes too.

“They probably won’t even notice. I’ve never even met them. I don’t think they would immediately assume something to be from my wardrobe.”

“Maybe, but it’s still good for getting into character.”

Seungwoo tries his best not to dwell on how much it hurts to be reminded time and time again that all of this is just an act for Seungyoun. He’s only pretending to be in love with Seungwoo the way that he’s has been in love with Seungyoun all along.

For ages, Seungwoo could only hope for the day to come when he could call Seungyoun his boyfriend. Now, he’s expected to do exactly that, with affectionate touches, cute pet names and all.

It’s exactly what he’s been wanting, except for one fatal flaw. It’s all make-believe. It’s only meant to last for as long as it serves its purpose and once they’ve done enough to convince Sungjoo and Yixuan, the clock will strike midnight and his fantasy will shatter like glass.

“Hyung?” Seungyoun cutely tilts his head to the side in question, confused by Seungwoo’s prolonged silence.

“Sorry, I guess I’m just nervous.”

“What? Why would you be nervous?”

_I’m nervous that you’ll see through me. I’m nervous that you’ll figure out that none of this is pretend for me._ “I guess I’m just worried that it won’t be believable.”

“Is it really that hard to pretend to be in love with me? Am I that unlovable?” Seungyoun pouts.

In reality, it’s quite the opposite, but Seungwoo can’t exactly admit that to him.

“No, I promise it’s not you. It’s me.”

“Stop sounding like some cliché breakup. You really don’t have anything to worry about.”

“If you say so...”

“Seungwoo-hyung, does it help if I do this?” Seungyoun asks, batting his eyelashes with a bit too much vigor. It looks like he’s trying to get something out of his eye, but somehow Seungwoo finds it endearing nonetheless.

“No, it really does not.”

Seungyoun pouts. “Fine, then.”

“Don’t get all sulky on me. I just mean that you don’t have to do anything special. Just be you and I’ll manage somehow.”

When Seungyoun turns to look directly at him, he ignores the instinct to shy away from his gaze. A mistake.

Seungyoun’s eyes shift into something much softer as he smiles at him with enough warmth to melt a glacier. “I really appreciate you helping me out, Seungwoo-hyung.”

“I—of course. I’m always here for you.”

“I know. Thank you.”

“You really don’t have to thank me. I’m happy to help you however I can.”

“I _want_ to thank you,” Seungyoun insists. “And for the record, that goes both ways. If there’s anything I can ever do for you, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

_Be my boyfriend. Tell me you’re in love with me. Tell me that this is real._

“Well, I guess some coffee wouldn’t hurt right now.”

“I’m on it,” Seungyoun announces, getting up from where they’re seated on Seungwoo’s couch to head towards the kitchen. He doesn’t need to ask where anything is because he spends just as much time here as he does in his own home, maybe even more.

“Here you go, babe,” Seungyoun says with a wink, placing the cup in front of him. On any other day, Seungwoo would relish how the coffee snaps him back into reality from his half asleep state, but today is different. He takes another sip, but it’s filled with resentment because he’d much rather stay asleep. If dating Seungyoun is a dream, then he doesn’t want to wake up.

* * *

It turns out that Seungwoo had no reason to be nervous because he maneuvers through Sungjoo and Yixuan’s interrogation with ease. He does so well that Seungyoun even seems surprised by his swift answers.

Of course, what Seungyoun doesn’t know is that it’s not from making up elaborate stories on the spot or even memorizing a script that he had previously thought out, but rather just his honest thoughts.

“So how long have you liked Younie?” Sungjoo asks.

“It’s been so long, I can’t even remember when it started.”

“What exactly do you like about him?” Yixuan continues.

“There’s too many things to list them all. The most obvious one is probably his bright personality. Whenever I’m feeling down, Seungyoun is always there for me and knows exactly how to cheer me up. I also admire how he’s so passionate and puts his all into everything that he does, but it’s also adorable the way that—”

“Hyung!” Seungyoun cuts him off, staring at him with wide eyes. Seungwoo suddenly feels nervous. Did he say something wrong? Was it too much?

“That’s embarrassing,” he mumbles, trying to hide his face in his hands.

It’s so adorable that Seungwoo barely resists the urge to squeal. Instead, he takes Seungyoun’s small hands into his own and pulls them away from his face.

“It’s the truth,” he says. If he only has an hour to live out his fantasy, he figures he might as well make the most of it. For once in his life, he won’t hold back his feelings and he won’t even have to face any repercussions because Seungyoun will think it’s all an act.

Yixuan coughs, clearly trying to remind them of his presence, “Well, I think we’ve heard enough then, don’t you think, Sungjoo?”

“Yeah, I don’t think I want to hear anymore,” he laughs.

The topic shifts from their relationship as Seungyoun starts chatting away with the other two. It seems that it’s been a while since they’ve had a chance to really sit down and talk in person. Admittedly, Seungwoo is a bit left out of the conversation as they reminisce about old memories, but he still gets his fair share of amusement when Sungjoo and Yixuan tell him embarrassing stories about Seungyoun, much to the younger’s dismay.

After a while, Seungyoun leaves to go to the bathroom and Seungwoo finds himself alone with Sungjoo and Yixuan. Without Seungyoun there, the awkward air becomes increasingly uncomfortable as the other two seem to be watching him closely.

It’s Sungjoo that breaks the silence first. “Seungwoo-ssi, we know you’re not actually dating Seungyoun.”

“What?” Seungwoo thought he had passed the test with flying colors.

“It wasn’t you, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Yixuan adds. “We’ve just known Seungyounie for so long that it was obvious that he was lying from the second he sat down.”

“But,” Sungjoo cuts in, “It didn’t seem like you were lying. Are we right?”

“I—” Seungwoo doesn’t know how to respond. Somehow the two of them have seen right through him despite having only met him today. “Am I really that obvious?”

“Just a little,” Sungjoo laughs. “But I’m sure you know by now that Seungyounie is more than just a little oblivious.”

“Yeah, that’s become pretty clear.”

“We think you should go for it,” Yixuan says.

“What do you mean?”

“Seungyoun might be oblivious, but I have a feeling that he likes you too, even if he doesn’t realize it yet.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Call it a parent’s instinct.”

Seungwoo laughs at that. “I guess he wasn’t joking when he said you acted like his parents.”

“Exactly why you should trust our judgment,” Yixuan says.

Seungwoo doesn’t get to respond because Seungyoun chooses that moment to come back, casually wrapping his arm around Seungwoo. It’s not even an uncommon thing for them normally, but in this context, it still makes his heart beat a little too fast.

“What did I miss?” Seungyoun asks.

“Nothing, we were just telling Seungwoo about all the times we almost got kicked out of places because of your obnoxious screaming.”

It’s almost comical how Seungyoun’s eyes widen in shock, quickly turning to Seungwoo. “They’re exaggerating! It wasn’t like that!”

“Sure, sure. I believe you.”

“Seungwoo-hyung!” he whines.

“I’m kidding,” Seungwoo laughs, admiring the adorable pout on the younger’s face. He affectionately ruffles his hair, which only makes him pout more. Seungwoo can feel Sungjoo and Yixuan’s gaze on him as he does it, but he purposely avoids it.

“You shouldn’t listen to anything they say. Their memory is questionable at best from the old age,” he says, sticking his tongue out at them.

“Yah, I would be careful if I were you,” Sungjoo counters. “I have a whole arsenal of your ugly selfies and I’m not afraid to use them.”

“I bet I have even worse ones of Xuan-ge!”

“You’re not special, so does everyone else since you all like to gang up on me so much,” Yixuan argues easily. “Besides, I’m not afraid.”

“Give up, Seungyounie,” Sungjoo laughs. “You can’t compete with the confidence of a guy whose lockscreen is his own face.”

“Fine! I don’t care either!” He turns to Seungwoo, batting his eyes at him and it might just be for show, but the way that Seungwoo’s heart flutters at the sight definitely isn’t. “Hyung, that wouldn’t change how you see me right? You’ll still love me even if you see my ugly selfies?”

“Of course,” he answers without a second of hesitation. He’ll always love him. “No matter what you do, you’re always beautiful to me.”

Sungjoo and Yixuan mock them with noises of disgust, but he doesn’t miss the knowing smile on their faces. But luckily (or maybe unluckily) for him, Seungyoun remains as oblivious as ever, simply gloating with satisfaction at having won over his friends.

The rest of lunch is rather uneventful aside from a bit of bickering over who should pay. (Yixuan wins in the end, but not without a fight.) Seungwoo never gets the chance to ask for clarification on why exactly they seem convinced that he should tell Seungyoun about his real feelings or how he would even go about doing so.

When he drops Seungyoun off at home, he’s not prepared for the way the younger jumps on him, wrapping him in a tight hug to show his gratitude. He’s clearly in a good mood, bursting with energy, and practically skips away with one last shout of goodbye. Seungwoo’s thankful for it because if he had hugged him for one second longer or turned around just a moment later, the rapid beating of his heart and blush tinting his cheeks may have been too much to hide.

* * *

“Hyung, I told you I’m paying!” Seungyoun says, forcibly pushing the hand that holds Seungwoo’s wallet away.

“You paid last time we hung out. It’s my turn.”

“This is different! This is my thanks for you agreeing to be my fake boyfriend.”

Ever since the day they met with Sungjoo and Yixuan the two had given up on setting Seungyoun up on dates. Naturally, Seungyoun assumed that the plan worked and that they believed their acting, so he insisted on treating Seungwoo to a meal as thanks. Of course, Seungwoo knows better. He knows that they had seen through not only the plan, but Seungwoo himself and that the only reason they stopped was because they thought Seungwoo wanted to make a move.

That’s where they’re wrong.

He can’t say he didn’t think about it. Hearing encouragements from two of Seungyoun’s closest friends did give him a small confidence boost and he briefly considered betting on the chance that his feelings might be returned. Still, just like every time he thinks about it, he ultimately decides that it’s not worth the risk. Nothing is worth the possibility of not being able to have Seungyoun by his side at all.

This is a fact that Seungwoo is well aware of and he fully intends on following through with his decision. But he can’t deny that it hurts. He was finally able to get a taste of everything that he’d wanted for so long, to be able to hold Seungyoun and to be held in return. Losing it hurts more than he anticipated.

After they leave the restaurant, Seungyoun insists on dessert, but too lazy to find some fancy sweets shop that’s still open at this hour, they settle on a quick trip to the convenience store.

Each with an ice cream in hand, they head to Seungyoun’s apartment with a few extra bottles of soju that they decided to pick up on a whim.

“A toast!” Seungyoun cheers, raising his glass.

“What are we toasting to?” Seungwoo laughs, even as he mimics the motion himself.

“My freedom?”

“You’re so dramatic. Were the blind dates really that bad?”

“Well, not all of them, but I just wasn’t really interested. I’d much rather spend my time doing other things. Like hang out with you!”

Seungwoo tries not to read into those words too much. He knows Seungyoun doesn’t mean anything by it, but his subconscious can’t help but dwell on how Seungyoun directly compared Seungwoo to his other dates, as if what they do together could be considered a date too.

“Are you not interested in dating at all? Do you like someone?” Seungwoo doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol starting to hit him or the remnants of Sungjoo and Yixuan’s words on his mind, but he finds that he’s starting to lose his rationality.

Seungyoun hums in consideration and Seungwoo feels his heart stop, frozen as he awaits an answer.

“I guess I’m not opposed to it, but I don’t really want to actively seek it either. I think that when the time is right, the right person will come to me.”

_What if he already has? What if he’s been here all along?_ The words that Seungwoo would’ve voiced if he weren’t so afraid echo in his head over and over.

“What about you, hyung?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you not interested in dating?”

“Maybe I am.”

“What? I should’ve sent you on my blind dates instead!”

“I don’t think that would’ve been a very good idea, Youn.”

“But why not?” Seungyoun pouts. It’s adorable. If Seungwoo had had a few more shots, he may not have been able to resist the urge to kiss him.

But apparently he’s had enough shots to do something else that’s rather inadvisable. “There’s someone I like,” he admits.

“You didn’t tell me!”

“It doesn’t matter. They don’t like me back.”

“But, hyung! How could anyone not like you? You’re tall and handsome and caring and probably the kind of person people dream of dating.”

Seungwoo thinks bitterly that if Seungyoun truly believed any of that, he wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. “You flatter me, Youn.”

“I’m telling the truth! Seungwoo-hyung, look at me!”

He does, lets his eyes focus on Seungyoun’s face, gaze wandering down towards his lips.

“Hyung, you’re a catch and whoever is too dumb to see that doesn’t deserve you!”

It’s at this moment that Seungwoo realizes maybe he drank a little bit more than he previously thought and it’s only now hitting. He struggles to fully process the meaning of the words, focused solely on the movement of Seungyoun’s lips as he says them.

Throwing all rational judgment out the window, Seungwoo gives into the impulse. He leans in and presses his own lips against Seungyoun’s.

But it only lasts for a moment. All it takes is feeling the younger tense underneath him and the small surprised yelp that he lets out to make Seungwoo return to his senses.

All of a sudden, he’s painfully sober with the weight of what he’s just done. As Seungyoun stares at him with wide eyes, he doesn’t know what to say or do.

So he runs.

Seungwoo abruptly stands up and bolts out the door as reality hits him. He notices a bit belatedly that it’s raining outside, but he thinks it’s fitting. After all, reality feels a lot like suddenly being plunged into an ice cold bath, so the rain isn’t very far off.

In a way, he’s strangely thankful for the rain. Despite the icy coldness against his skin, it’s good for at least one thing.

The rain does an exceptionally great job of hiding his tears.

* * *

It takes a full day to process everything that happened last night. Half of it is spent sleeping because after waking up with a horrible hangover, Seungwoo immediately closes his eyes and wills himself back to sleep. The other half, however, is spent awake, much to his chagrin.

If it had been up to Seungwoo, he probably would have spent all of his waking hours moping around in bed, trying to hide from the memory of what he did. Luckily, he does manage to get in at least one proper meal, courtesy of Seungsik who had dropped by to check in on him.

Usually his phone would be blowing up with messages from Seungyoun at this time, whether it was about wanting to get food together or just a random funny video he found, but he checks his notifications and doesn’t find a single one of them from Seungyoun.

Seungwoo knows he messed up. Big time.

Of course, he could always be the one to text or call first, but something tells him that it would hurt too much for it to go ignored. Seungwoo thinks he’s had quite enough hurt for the weekend.

He can only hope to be able to track down Seungyoun on campus tomorrow and quickly explain himself, blame it on the alcohol and try to move past it.

It doesn’t prove to be too hard of a task, seeing as Seungwoo knows Seungyoun’s schedule by heart and even the typical routes he likes to walk to get from building to building. Even though it’s a farther walk, Seungwoo knows that Seungyoun likes to take the path that weaves around the perimeter of the campus, rather than through the center, because it’s less crowded and is lined with a beautiful row of trees and flowers.

He spots Seungyoun easily, noting how the younger isn’t carrying his usual bright smile and his eyes are now weighed down with dark circles. The guilt hits immediately. It's clearly because of him, because of what he did.

“Seungyoun-ah,” he calls out hesitantly. “Can we talk?”

He looks up in surprise, only just noticing his presence, and Seungwoo watches the panic flit through his eyes as he does.

“Seungwoo-hyung, um, can we talk later?” he asks nervously, desperately avoiding Seungwoo’s gaze.

“I promise it won’t take long, I just—”

“I’m sorry, I’m gonna be late for class,” Seungyoun cuts him off. He winces as he says it because they both know it’s a lie. He still has plenty of time. It’s obviously just an excuse.

But if Seungyoun doesn’t want to talk to him, Seungwoo’s in no position to push. “Okay.”

“I’ll see you later, hyung.”

Seungwoo has a sinking feeling that the younger plans to delay “later” until it never comes. He wants to ask for a time, anything to confirm that he’ll actually get a chance, but he doesn’t get another word in before Seungyoun darts off, running from Seungwoo as if he can’t stand the mere sight of him.

Well, that might not be too far off.

Seungwoo knew this would happen. It had been the only thing that held him back from confessing ages ago. He knew better and yet, he went it did it anyway. Just because of a few drinks too many.

With a shaky sigh, Seungwoo tries to ignore how his entire world crumbles before him.

* * *

The next few days pass by in a blur as Seungwoo tries his best to think about anything but Seungyoun. It’s a lot easier said than done.

He’s gotten used to constantly having the younger talk his ear off and without him, the silence screams his absence. Seungwoo misses him, as anyone would if they completely ruined their friendship with their best friend. The fact that everything is entirely his own fault only makes it hurt more.

“Seungwoo-hyung, are you gonna mope around all day?” Seungsik asks, barging into the room.

“I’m not.”

Seungsik gives him a look and Seungwoo doesn’t argue any further. They both know it’s a lie.

“The kids asked if you wanted to grab dinner tonight. It’s been a while since we’ve all hung out.”

“I don’t know, Sik. I’m not exactly in the mood to go out.”

“But you are in the mood to sit around in bed and wallow in self pity?”

“And what if I am?” he pouts.

“Hyung, I know you’re upset, but don’t you think a distraction might help?”

“I’ll think about it.”

Seungsik looks like he’s not done talking, but whatever he wants to say is interrupted by a phone ringing. Seungwoo’s phone is on the desk across the room, but he doesn’t particularly feel like getting up.

“Aren’t you going to answer?”

“It’s probably not important.”

Seungsik sighs in exasperation, walking over to the desk and glances at the caller ID, pausing when he reads who it is. “It’s Seungyoun.”

“What?” Seungwoo shouts, jumping out of bed and scrambling to take his phone back, but as soon as he gets his hands on it, the ringing stops. He freezes.

It doesn’t make sense. Why would Seungyoun call him? A few days ago, he could barely stand to be in Seungwoo’s presence for longer than a minute. He had fled before Seungwoo got the chance to say anything. Seungyoun clearly doesn’t want to see him, so why is he suddenly calling?

Seungwoo can think of only one logical conclusion: Seungyoun must be calling to tell him to stay away, that he never wants to see him again. It’s the only thing that makes sense.

Even if he has spent the better part of the last few days trying to come to terms with the fact that he probably just lost his best friend because of his inability to control the drunken impulse to kiss him, the thought of Seungyoun confirming exactly that is still too much to bear.

He places his phone back on the table.

“Aren’t you gonna call him back?” Seungsik asks, concerned by his strange behavior.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to hear what he has to say,” he answers simply.

Seungsik still seems confused, but senses that Seungwoo doesn’t seem to want to elaborate further. Instead, he offers a change of topic. “So tonight?”

“Sure,” he says, albeit still a bit hesitant. “Tell the kids I’ll be there.”

He supposes being surrounded by friends is probably a better method of getting his mind off of everything than taking yet another nap.

* * *

They end up going to their favorite fried chicken place near campus, popular for it’s bright atmosphere and fair prices. It’s always on the noisier side, so they never have to worry about how loud their own group is being, which is very fortunate considering they’ve gotten their fair share of noise complaints.

“Seungwoo-hyung, it feels like it’s been so long since we’ve seen you!” Byungchan says.

“And since you’ve been neglecting us, I think it’s only fair that today is your treat to make up for lost time,” Hanse adds cheekily.

“You guys only called me here for my wallet, huh?” he laughs. “I see how it is.”

“Hyung, we wouldn’t do that to you,” Subin says, looking up at him with innocent eyes.

With them, it’s so easy to forget the mess of emotions in his heart. He figures that it probably wasn’t the kids who requested to hang out, but rather Seungsik gathering them to try to cheer him up and he appreciates it more than he can express.

His friends seem to understand that he would prefer not to talk about it and they don’t bring it up at all. It’s like they all peacefully coexist with the elephant in the room, recognizing its presence but never acknowledging it.

Still, he doesn’t miss the way Chan casually throws an arm around his shoulder and offers a light squeeze. He doesn’t say it aloud, but Seungwoo knows he means “I’m here to listen if you want to talk.” And though no one mentions it, the way Sejun hugs him for a few seconds too long as they part ways doesn’t go unnoticed either.

After tonight, Seungwoo feels a little less like it’s the end of the world. Even without Seungyoun, he has plenty of friends that he cherishes. He thinks that maybe things will be okay.

But when he later glances at his phone to see yet another missed call from Seungyoun, his heart clenches painfully. He thinks again.

* * *

Despite a few more calls from Seungyoun as well as a few texts begging him to pick up, Seungwoo can’t bring himself to respond to any. He still doesn’t think he’ll be able to handle the confirmation that Seungyoun can’t be his friend anymore.

It’s a bit like Schrodinger’s cat. It’s true that as long as he avoids Seungyoun, he can’t know for sure what he’ll say, but that also means he can think of both outcomes as still being possible. He can think of their friendship as both dead and alive. It’s far from ideal, but at the very least, Seungwoo prefers this over knowing for sure that it’s dead.

Seungsik, of course, thinks he’s being ridiculous when he explains it to him and continuously urges him to call Seungyoun back, but he doesn’t. Seungwoo thinks his logic is foolproof.

His logic may be one thing, but execution is another because it becomes increasingly harder to avoid Seungyoun. The same way that he had so easily tracked down the younger right after the incident, as he’s begun to refer to it, Seungyoun tracks him down just as easily.

He’s heading home from his last class of the day when a hand on his shoulder stops him.

“Seungwoo-hyung, we need to talk.”

“I need to get to class.”

“We both know you’re done with classes for the day,” Seungyoun says pointedly.

Seungwoo scoffs at Seungyoun’s tone, as if the younger hadn’t tried to use the same excuse on him just a week ago.

“Seungwoo-hyung, please. Can we please talk?” He looks at Seungwoo with his best puppy eyes, the same ones that he can never quite resist, the same ones that got this whole mess started in the first place.

He sighs, “Let’s go to my place.”

They’re not far from his apartment, but the silence that falls over them is unnatural and fills the air with discomfort. Each step feels like an eternity.

When they enter, they immediately settle themselves on the couch. It’s a familiar occurrence, but everything about it feels wrong. At this point the room is usually filled with boisterous laughter, but instead they sit awkwardly at opposite sides of the couch, no one saying a word.

Seungwoo braces himself for what’s to come before finally breaking the silence. “What do you want to talk about?”

Seungyoun looks at him, searching for something, but Seungwoo doesn’t know what. “Seungwoo-hyung, why did you kiss me?” he asks.

He winces at the mention of it, having tried to avoid thinking about it the whole time. Even just the simple reminder of it immediately floods him with regret of his mistake.

“Does it matter? Let’s just forget about it and pretend it never happened,” Seungwoo says, nervously avoiding eye contact like he’s been avoiding Seungyoun all week and like he wishes he could avoid this conversation. “We can just go back to normal.”

“No, we can’t,” Seungyoun says. Seungwoo feels a part of him shatter at those words, all of his worst fears coming to life before him. “Seungwoo-hyung, please tell me why.”

“Why do you need to know?”

“I want to know if it meant something to you.”

Seungwoo spares a glance at Seungyoun and sees the pure determination in his eyes. He knows he’s not getting out of this without a proper answer. He sighs and tries to prepare his heart for what he predicts to be rejection. After all, what else could it possible be?

He figures, if there’s really no way out of this, he might as well finally tell the truth.

“Fine. It did mean something. I like you—no—I love you. I have for years. I didn’t want it to ruin our friendship so I decided to never act on it, but after you asked me to pretend to date you, I guess I got a glimpse of what it would be like. I got a taste of what I couldn’t have and I wasn’t strong enough to be able to resist. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t.”

Seungwoo lets out a pained noise. “I can’t just—it’s not like I haven’t tried to stop my feelings for you and I’m sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, but—”

“No!” Seungyoun shouts and Seungwoo flinches. “I meant don’t be sorry.”

“What?”

“I liked it.”

“What?”

“The kiss. I liked it. A lot, actually.”

“No, you didn't. You froze. And then you ran away from me when I tried to talk to you. You couldn’t even look at me.”

“That’s not fair! I was just surprised! And you avoided me all of this week too!”

“I avoided you because I thought you hated me!”

“Well, then you’re dumb!” Seungyoun shouts before continuing more softly, “Believe me, hyung, I could _never_ hate you.”

“Then, why did you run? You lied about being late to class and didn’t even let me get a single word in.”

“I’m sorry, hyung. I really am, but I needed time to process. It’s not every day you suddenly realize you’ve been in love with your best friend all along.”

“You what?”

“I think I’m in love with you.”

“I—that doesn’t make any sense. _What_?”

“Seungwoo-hyung, did you forget how to say anything else but ‘what?” Seungyoun chuckles nervously.

“You can’t be serious.”

“But I am,” Seungyoun says, looking straight at him. “So please tell me what you're saying is true, that the kiss meant something to you and that you like me, because your reactions right now aren’t very reassuring.”

Seungwoo thinks about how he expected this conversation to go, how he thought the best potential outcome would have been telling Seungyoun that the kiss was only because he was too drunk and going back to normal. But now, Seungyoun is telling him he likes—loves, even—him back. He hadn’t even considered this to be a possibility and it seems too good to be true.

And yet, here they are.

“Seungyoun, of course it meant something to me. It meant _everything_ ,” he admits. It feels nice to finally be able to tell the truth. Seungwoo had long since gotten used to the weight of keeping his feelings buried in his chest and he didn’t realize just how much it had been wearing him down until now. Letting them out, he feels a million times lighter, like he could jump and land on the clouds. He realizes that he can’t keep holding it in, so he doesn’t. So he continues, “I think I started falling for you the moment I met you and it only ever got stronger after that. Each time I saw you smile and heard your laugh, I kept falling harder. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t in love with you.”

Seungyoun looks down at his feet and it might have made Seungwoo worried if he hadn’t caught the light blush tinting his cheeks.

“Hyung, how can you say all that so easily? You’re so embarrassing.”

Seungwoo laughs, gently pushing the hair out of Seungyoun’s face. “I’ve been waiting to say it for so long, cut me some slack, okay?”

“Does that mean when we were with Sungjoo-hyung and Yixuan-ge, you weren’t pretending?”

“All of it was real. It was what I’ve been wanting to say and do for a long time.”

“So what’s holding you back now?”

Seungwoo thinks about it. Why is he still hesitating? Maybe it’s the lingering disbelief that this is actually happening, the fear that this is just a beautifully elaborate illusion and one wrong move could make it vanish in an instant.

But then he looks at Seungyoun, smile slightly nervous and hesitant, but also warm and hopeful. Seungyoun wants this and heaven knows he’s been wanting this for ages. So what’s stopping him?

The answer is nothing.

Without wasting another second, he surges forward and captures Seungyoun’s lips in a kiss. It’s nothing like the first time was, quick, impulsive, and tainted with the bitter taste of alcohol mixed with regret.

Seungwoo decides he’s had enough of holding back and kisses Seungyoun with fervor, as if he’s trying to convey years of suppressed feelings in a single kiss. He gently coaxes his lips apart, though it really doesn’t take much because Seungyoun is equally as eager. Seungwoo knows he’s being greedy, but he can’t help it. When it comes to Seungyoun, he just keeps wanting more.

Seungyoun is the one to break the kiss, much to Seungwoo’s disappointment, laughing at the way Seungwoo leans in to try and chase him as he pulls away.

“Hyung, there’s no need to rush,” he chuckles.

“Sorry, I just—I’ve waited for this for so long. I think a part of me feels like it might still disappear.”

“You have nothing to worry about. I promise I’m not going anywhere.” Seungyoun gently cups Seungwoo’s jaw before continuing, “And we’ll have plenty of chances to make up for lost time.”

This time, it’s Seungyoun that kisses Seungwoo.

The time after that, it’s Seungwoo again.

Eventually, they lose track.

* * *

“Seungyoun-ah, are you free Friday for dinner?”

“I’m pretty sure you know my schedule better than I do, babe,” Seungyoun answers, the pet name coming out easily. He’s said it once before, but it still makes Seungwoo’s heart skip a beat because this time, it’s real.

“Just making sure!”

“What’s happening on Friday?”

“Seungsik and the kids said they want to meet you.”

“Oh.”

Seungwoo doesn’t miss the slight waver in his boyfriend’s voice, immediately going over to him.

“Is that okay? We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No! It’s okay, I’m just nervous.”

“Why would you be nervous?”

“What if they don’t like me?”

Seungwoo coos at how adorable he’s being, pulling him into a tight hug. “Don’t worry. Everyone will love you.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I just am. Do you trust me?”

“Of course.”

“Then, stop worrying,” he says, pressing a kiss against his forehead.

“Okay.” Seungyoun places a chaste kiss on Seungwoo’s lips in return. “I technically made you meet my friends, so I guess it’s only fair.”

“Does that still count even if it was pretend?”

“Well, they don’t know that!”

“Yes, they do.”

Seungwoo chuckles at the confused look Seungyoun gives him. His boyfriend is too cute.

“Apparently, you’re not a very good actor. They figured it out immediately.”

“Well, what about you?” Seungyoun pouts.

“In a way, they did see through me too, but it was the fact that I wasn’t actually acting. Your friends are very perceptive,” he says. “Or maybe you’re just too oblivious.”

“Hey!”

“Am I wrong?”

“I guess not,” he mumbles sulkily.

“You big baby,” Seungwoo teases, ruffling his hair affectionately. “It’s okay, you figured it out eventually.”

“Next time, I’ll introduce you as my real boyfriend.”

“Real boyfriend, huh? I like the sound of that.”

“Good,” Seungyoun says cheerfully. “So as my extremely kind and generous, very real boyfriend, how about we go get coffee? Your treat.”

“You drink too much coffee,” he complains, but he goes to grab his wallet even as he does. “Hurry up before I change my mind.”

“I love you, Seungwoo-hyung.”

“Don’t say that just because I’m paying for you.”

Suddenly, Seungyoun’s arms wrap around him from behind and his boyfriend rests his head on his shoulder. “I’m not. I mean it. I really, really love my very real boyfriend.”

Seungwoo cranes his neck as much as he can to face Seungyoun. “I love you too. I always have.”

* * *

Later that night, once the effects of the caffeine have worn off, Seungwoo dreams of Seungyoun. He used to hate waking up, being forced to let go of that happiness.

But not anymore.

Now, Seungwoo wakes up to find Seungyoun still wrapped securely in his arms. Now, Seungwoo doesn’t mind waking up because, with Seungyoun, life always feels like a dream.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!!!! as always, kudos and comments are very much appreciated and i can be found on twt @ wooloodz


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